Madame Treasurer

Dear Homeowners:

Thank you for bearing with me as I have assumed the duties of treasurer.  Since I haven't actually balanced my own personal checkbook in a decade, I thought this job would be right up my alley. 

I want to thank most of you for paying on time which saves me the trouble of having to send you a certified nasty-gram asking where your money is.  I'm not really the "shakedown" kind of person and as long as you pay during the month it is due, I'm happy.  And to those of you that lose track of how many months are in a year and send multiple checks....yes we are enjoying the surplus in the association checking account.  We now have enough to get the exterminator a few extra times so that I don't have to deal with leggy thingies.

I understand those of you that don't want to waste a precious stamp to mail your monthly dues 50 feet.  That's fine.  But what I don't understand is why you decide to deliver your money the way that you do.  I get it; I am rarely home which is why it is difficult to deliver your checks in person.  But please don't give me a dirty look when you knock on my door late at night, scaring me and making Bailey morph into Cujo.  If I am in my pjs already, it's too late for visitors.  No, I will not invite you in for coffee, or tea, or a snack.  Just move on along.

Also, please don't get angry with me when your check turns up missing after you have left it in some odd location hoping that I would find it on my daily check scavenger hunts.  I have found checks in my bushes, under the bushes, shoved in the storm door, crammed under the sopping wet doormat, and just laying about.  It would probably be more secure to hand your checks to random people on the street.  I'm sorry if the birds that live above my living room window have turned your check into nesting material.  Maybe you shouldn't have left your money with them to begin with.  Do you see the week's worth of newspapers on my front porch?  That is how often I use my front door.  May not be the best place to leave cash...just sayin'.

I have placed a box on my back patio for you to leave your check in each month.  What?  You don't think that is safe?  That anyone could take them?  Fine.  Continue with your method of hiding them from me (but not from the birds) in front of my house.  Just don't be surprised when I send the lawyers after you for non-payment.

Thank you!

Your Friendly Treasurer