Saturday, January 29, 2011


I read somewhere that people that feel happy most of the time volunteer their time.  All that feel goodness from volunteering improves their mood.
I put in 6 hours of hard labor (ok, painting) with Habitat for Humanity today.
I don’t feel any happier.  Tired?  Yes.  Sore?  Yes.  Still waiting on the happy.
I arrived at the site and met Ty Pennington!  Ok, not the real Ty Pennington.  He was a local version…but he looked liked Ty and was a little hyper, very excited, and has never met a stranger.  Local Ty was the site leader and he put me straight to painting the upstairs.  I had splattered paint on me within the first 10 minutes.  After 30 minutes, I had as much paint on me as on the walls.  By that point, I didn’t even try to keep it off my shirt or jeans.  There were other girls there her barely had a smudge on their hands.  I, on the other hand, looked like I bathed in paint and primer.  On the bright side, guess who was a better painter?  The messy one or the college kid afraid of getting a spot on them?  That’s right…me.  Oops.  Just lost a hard earned karma point on that comment.
I figured after putting in 6 hours of hard work for a good cause gave me 6 hours of “good” time that I could trade for “bad” time.  Bad times are when I am rude to customer service personnel (they bring it on themselves, really), or when I tailgate (if you would go the speed limit, we wouldn’t have this problem), or when I gossip at work (hey – did you hear about…wait…good points).  I don’t think my good time bank is going to last very long.  That’s why I am going back next week to paint trim and help put in laminate floors.
If only the happy would hurry up and get here….

Saturday, January 22, 2011

A tale of two fish

About three years ago I bought a fish tank, two fish, and a snail for my classroom.  We were going to learn all about ecosystems – yay!  The kids named the fish Bruce and Sharkbait (after the shark and fish in “Finding Nemo”).  The two lived up to their names after Bruce (named after the shark) ate poor little Sharkbait after a couple of weeks.  Great lesson, huh?  I blamed the cannibalistic activities on the fact that Sharkbait was never really a healthy little fish and I figured he died of natural causes and then Bruce ate him.  Oh, the snail died too….
Bruce isn’t the smartest fish in the pond.  He got himself stuck in his coral tank beautification project, which forced it to be condemned and removed.  He then swam right up beside the filter and got stuck.  Idiot.  I was constantly freeing this stupid little fish from odd places.  Who would have thought that a fish would get that turned around in a one room home.
Against the naysayers who said Bruce was a cold blooded killer, I bought him some new and improved digs along with a tank-mate.  New fish doesn’t quite have a name yet (I didn’t want to become too attached in case I should have named him “Snack”).  So I just call him “New Fish”.  After putting them into their new home, I immediately figured New Fish was the special fish.  I know that Bruce wasn’t  that bright to begin with, but poor New Fish seemed to have some extra difficulties.  He can’t swim.  He just wiggles his little body and ends up doing flips in the water.  He goes upside down, backwards, and will even get so turned around that he just stops and floats belly up until his little mind can figure out where to go.  Unfortunately, Bruce immediately figured out that New Fish had a swimming impairment and turned into a bully.  Bruce would poke and run into New Fish with zeal.  He also nipped at New Fish’s little tail…which didn’t help with the swimming issues at all.
Things seem to have settled down in fish world.  Bruce will still nose New Fish out of the way…and New Fish still swims like a drunken sailor…but  I no longer fear New Fish turning into fish food. 
Leave it to the special education teacher to find two special education fish.        


Tuesday, January 11, 2011


I have been keeping quite a bit of pent up anger in me since the break up.  I also tend to be an anxious person; if I don't have anything to worry about, I'll create something (usually a cancer diagnosis from WebMD if work isn't stressful enough).  Because of this, I decided that I am not quite ready to start relaxation medication and thought I would go back to yoga.

I don't have the money for a yoga class (or a gym that offers a yoga class).  Plus, all gyms target their yoga classes towards people that evidently do not have jobs.  I guess if you aren't working and have the money to afford a gym, life is pretty stressful for you and you need your 10 AM yoga class each Wednesday.  Bitter?  Yes.

I bought Jillian Michaels' "YOGA MELTDOWN" dvd.  Yes, it needs to be in all caps because I am inspiring myself to do it.  If Jillian yells "YOGA MELTDOWN" at me, I'll probably have a yoga meltdown.  Jillian promises me that I will lose 5 pounds in a week if I follow her routine.  To help me out, I also planned a healthy fish dinner for after my yoga-izing.

I dig out my yoga mat (this actually took 20 minutes of searching) and roll it onto the floor.  I start my DVD and begin.  As I try to move into downward dog I realize that Phoebe has staked out one end of the mat as her domain.  She is also willing to protect that territory at all costs.  Joe offered to declaw her for me, but after watching him trim Bailey's toenails I figured he would just cut Phoebe's feet off at the ankle and she is still very able to defend herself.  Ok, fine.  I'll just try to use the other end of the mat.  Phoebe doesn't take this lying down and attacks my pants.  As she is trying to climb up my pants to get the waist tie, I give up.  I made it all of 10 minutes through my workout. 

I watched the rest of the workout while sitting on the couch and drinking a glass of wine.  I may not have burned any calories, but I am a little more relaxed.

Monday, January 10, 2011

I give up..go ahead and call Animal Cops

My poor animals act as if I am leaving them to die every day when I go to work.  I get these sad little faces that look like "I only hope I am still alive when you get back...nevermind the fact I live in a climate-controlled house with a continual supply of food and water."

Today I leave but it is a special day because Bailey gets to go to doggie daycare.  I load up Bailey and gather everything I need and off we go.  My only fleeting thought towards poor Phoebe is that I hope I didn't leave my curling iron plugged in (you know, 'cause then the house would burn down...oops).  I should have given more thought to Phoebe because today I actually did leave her for dead.

Twelve hours later I return and Phoebe is not waiting at the door for me.  I call her over and over, to no avail.  I check under the beds, in the open closet, in the half bath, and no Phoebe.  I cannot figure out where she has gone.  Instead of using her hunting nose to help in the search, Bailey is dancing a jig behind me at the thought of Phoebe being gone forever.  I call my mom to wail about the missing Phoebe.  She tells me to check the closet.  But I did check the closet!  Do it again she tells me.  Ok, still no Phebes.  She then instructs me to check the other closet.  I think she is crazy because the door is shut, there is no way Phoebe could jump up, turn the door knob, get in the closet, and shut it back. 

Guess what was in the closet.......

Phoebe.  Evidently I had left her to die a slow death in the corner of my closet.  Her worst fears had come true. 

I'll wait for the Animal Cops to show up, just let me check the closets before they haul me away.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Karma Shmarma

Remember when I said I was going to volunteer my blood, sweat, and tears for Habitat for Humanity in order to reverse my karma?  I need fantastic karma instead of the craptastic karma I currently have.  I eagerly await my volunteer email outlining what they were doing on both houses under construction.  When this email arrived yesterday, I noticed that all work was outside work.  Like digging holes, building a deck, and putting up vinyl siding. 
I am not afraid of outside work (afraid of saws, yes, but not of working outside).  Unless the current weather forecast has us receiving snow and/or rain in 30 degree temperatures (then I am afraid of outside work).  I thought about it….I thought about the loyal volunteers going out there and building a family a house in the cold.  I thought that it would give me an extra dose of good karma points for doing it in the freezing temperatures.  But I would be cold and miserable.  And I really didn’t have any clothes to wear for digging holes in the freezing cold (I had many other excuses as well).  I’ll admit it, I did not want to experience personal discomfort in this ordeal.  I didn’t go to build today.  I went shopping instead (which is helping me in my frugality goal, right?).   But feeling guilty for my decision meant a little something….because my karma was somewhat restored….and I found this spectacular handbag!  Someone with very little taste received this Kate Spade handbag as a gift and DIDN’T WANT IT!  Crazy fools.  My Macy’s doesn’t even carry Kate Spade, but there it sat, right beside the register with a heavenly light falling upon it.  I carefully picked it up and laughed out loud when I read the price.  Then I checked the price on the electronic price check-y thingy.  It was more than half off!  I had to have it.  So here is my new shimmery purse (and all I gave up in return was some feel-good volunteering and my new found frugality)….

Later I got the email stating that all building was cancelled due to weather.  So I didn't skip out after all.  I'll volunteer.  At somepoint.  In the future.  Maybe when it is a smidgen warmer and less snowy.  Until then I'll just prance around with my shiny new bag on my shoulder.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Better off?

As you all know, about a month ago my boyfriend decided to drop me like a hot potato.  I was shocked, sad, and pretty mopey.  Yes, the break was for the best and I was halfway there to making the same decision.  But although it was the wrong relationship, I still mourned its passing.  And then there was the dread of starting all over.  In order to ease my wallowing, I did some shopping therapy and I found this:

This is my new laptop skin I ordered from Curly Girl Design.  (  - go shopping NOW!)

Because, sometimes right back where you started from is right where you belong....

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Why I am going you know where in a handbasket

I work in a middle school...germs and viruses make many, many visits to our lovely building.  Right now, the illness du jour is pink eye.

"My little girl is at home with pink eye today."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Yes, please pray for her."

"Ok.  Wait?  What?  Is her life in danger from the pink eye?"

"Well, no."

"Is there a chance of her going blind?  Being disfigured for life?"

"Of course not."

"Yeah, that's what I thought.  We'll see her tomorrow..."

Now, don't get me wrong.  I believe in the power of prayer.  But is there such a thing as frivolous or trivial prayer?  I'm sorry, but I think God has bigger things on His plate than your daughter's pink eye.  When we were in school, pink eye was the illness you wanted.  You got a day off due to the fact that it was more contagious than cooties but you really didn't feel that bad.  Sure, your eye was itchy and goopey, but it didn't force you to stay in bed all day.  I'll admit that I had some treacherous cases of pink eye, the kind where your eye hurts and is swollen and you wake up in the morning unable to open it from the yellow eye goo.  It wasn't a walk in the park, but I also never thought that I needed to be added to the prayer list at church.  We have never held a moment of silence at the beginning of the day for pink eye.  Not exactly a life altering tragedy.

What's next?  A pink eye 5K?  A pink eye telethon?  A pink eye bake sale? 

I had a minor case of pink eye this past fall.  I went to the school nurse and she just waved me off and said that doctors didn't care about pink eye anymore because most cases were viral.  "It'll clear up on its own - wash your hands a lot and don't go around purposefully touching kids just to get them to stay home tomorrow...."

Hmmm, maybe this is why I feel like I need to fix my karma.  Please pray for my soul.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Life's Questions (for today anyway)

1.        Why am I sitting here watching “Live to Dance”?  Paula Abdul is so nice and she has a kind word to say about everyone.  I don’t.  I can’t stand this drivel.  Yet I still have it on. 
2.       Why is my blog getting referrals from Russian websites?  Who in Russia wants to read about someone with obviously such poor taste in television? 
3.       Why do I keep surfing the web instead doing the work I brought home with me?  I suppose it is so I can complain tomorrow about not having the time to get anything done.
4.       Why am I so obsessed with WebMD?  Most recently I have self diagnosed anxiety, insomnia, carbon monoxide poisoning and cancer (really…every ache or pain can be attributed to some form of cancer).
5.       Why didn’t I play the lottery tonight?  Oh right, because statistically I would have just lost a dollar instead of gaining millions.  Yes, my glass is always half empty (but as long as my half empty glass has a little umbrella in it, life is pretty good).

      Oh my gosh!!! My worst fears have been confirmed by fictional tv – NCIS has had a gas leak (or carbon monoxide poisoning) in a school!  I have to go to bed in order to lie awake all night with anxiety over possible poisoning at school tomorrow (and hope the Russians aren’t stealing secrets from me).

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year's Eve through the eyes of a pessimist

Me:  Ya know, I am looking forward to 2010 ending but I really don’t want 2011 to begin.
Sister:  What are you talking about? 
Me:  Well, 2010 wasn’t fantastic, so I am ready for it to be over.  But what if 2011 is worse?
Sister:  So what are you going to do?  End it all at midnight?
Me:  Um, no.  At least I don’t think so.  What would Bailey do?
Sister:  Aren’t you just a little ray of sunshine….
Yes, yes, I am.  And my rockin' New Year's Eve involved taking two Tylenol PM and being knocked out shortly after 11pm.  
From a well rested (for once) insomniac - Happy 2011!