Sunday, July 10, 2011

Miniature disasters and minor catastrophes

Did anyone see the Friends episode "The One with Ross's Tan?" where he uses the spray tan but only tans one side of his body?

If not, here it is on  YouTube

My skin is naturally pasty white.  I guess "porcelain" is a more attractive adjective.  I also have blue eyes and freckle with reckless abandon in the sun.  I am skin cancer waiting to happen.  I usually use a gradual self tanning lotion and I finally got the application process down so I get it all nice and even. 

Then, I watched about 5 minutes of Regis and Kelly on Friday (because 5 minutes is about all I can handle).  In the segment I saw they were going over the different types of self tanners and the girl from Allure magazine just loved the sprays.  She said anyone could do them!  I'm anyone, so I went right out and bought me some self tanner spray.

I applied it in the bathtub with the curtain closed to ensure that I did not tan the house, the cat, or the dog in the process.  It seemed to go on well so I just waited for it to tan.  A few hours later I looked down at my legs.  I had managed to spray tan them in carnival tent stripes.  Tan stripe/pasty stripe/tan stripe/pasty stripe...all around both legs.  So I hopped into the bathtub again and tried to tan the pasty white stripes.

I successfully managed to just darken the already tanned stripes. 

After my sister laughed uproariously at me this morning, I attempted to tan my legs again.  The rest of me tanned just fine the first time around.  So from the waist up I am a nice, even, medium tan.  From the waist down, it is another story altogether.  After three tries at this, I am now another ethnic background stripe/lightly tanned stripe/another ethnic background stripe/lightly tanned stripe. 

So tell me, what is it like to be normal?  Because nothing I ever do is normal....

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