Ho'omake'aka

As part of my whole gym "experience" I have started taking some fitness classes.  I have done Body Flow which is a mix of Tai Chi, pilates, and yoga.  That one left me sore for two days (and we will just not mention the day I fell over trying to do the triangle pose...that's my little secret).  Next I tried the hula dancing class.  The instructor for this class is a native Hawaiian.  She is young, beautiful, a wonderful dancer, and as nice as she could be.  I tried to hate her, but I can't because she is so friendly.  She makes hula seem so easy...just a few butt shakes with some arm movements...and that's hula!  Since I have ample butt to shake, I assumed I would be a natural at this class.

I had forgotten my college experiences when I learned I had no rhythm.  In college, my sorority had "song practice."  During song practice, we would all gather together in the chapter room and practice our songs and chants.  I would always get corrected during the chants because I couldn't clap and chant at the same time...it was either/or.  I could chant but not clap or clap but remain silent.  If I tried to do both, my chanting would end up off and my claps would be the lone sound in the middle of the other girls' claps.  Big loud clap from the group - one little stray clap from me - big loud clap from the group, one little stray clap from me.  You get the idea here.

So it was with this inability to do more than one activity at a time that I entered the hula class (mistakenly assuming that there was a hidden hula girl me waiting to get out).  The first couple of slow moves I could handle and my confidence grew.  Then she picked up the pace and added arm movements.  I suddenly became a flailing disaster.  People were moving away from my spasms I was trying to pass off as hula.  But I made it difficult to move away from me because I also couldn't seem to stay in my spot.  I tended to wander forward, backwards, to each side with arms going every which way.  Just like song practice where I couldn't sing and clap simutaneously, I also can't move my legs, shake my butt, and wave my arms all at the same time.  I have to choose one movement and stick with it. 

I am also stubborn and went back to the class again.  I am convinced I will work my way up to the advanced hula class and be able to wear a grass skirt to perform at the local nursing home.  This one didn't go much better.  She had us walk across the room while shaking our hips in circles.  I could either master the hips or the walking...the two could not happen together.  While everyone else was shaking across the floor, I would take two steps, shake a little, take two more steps, and shake a little more.  At the end she tried to teach us an actual hula dance.  She broke it down step by step and we would practice.  I got it!  I actually got it!  I was so proud of myself!  Then, she put it to music and we had to do it all together.  I am surprised no one called 911 for the poor girl (me) have a seizure in the back.  I finally just stopped and stood there.  I figured no movements would draw less attention to me than the hula spasms. 

I'm going back on Thursday.  I am waiting for the day she pulls me aside and just asks me nicely not to return...