The time I almost died

The time I almost died was tonight.  I realize I have a tendency to exaggerate and over dramatize situations, but this potential death experience was real (in my head anyway).

I have this little closet under my stairs that houses the water heater, two artificial Christmas trees, my tool collection, every color of paint used in this home (and that is a lot), a ladder, a vacuum, more wrapping paper than any sane person should own, as well as a pile of wreaths for the front door.  Last week this smell started emanating from the closet, but sometimes it gets a weird smell, so I ignored it.  Today when I went downstairs, I noticed the smell had transformed itself into a full fledged stench and I was sure that some poor little critter had curled up in there to die.

I slowly opened the door, expecting whatever was in there to attack.  Then I remembered that I was looking for a dead something.  Dead somethings usually don't attack.  Unless it is a zombie...  My fear of finding something dead morphed into finding a little zombie mouse hiding out behind the water heater.  I figured that wearing flip flops while searching for zombie mice was not the best idea, they could pull my toes right off (and I just got a pedicure today!).  I briefly consider running upstairs to put on my wellies but rational thought wins out (and because I was already hot; rubber boots would not help). 

As I am searching for either dead or undead mice, a spider lunges forward in attack mode.  He lodges himself in the corner with his tremendous fangs ready to bite.  Luckily, I keep Raid spider killer on hand and I spray him.  It has no effect.  He just wipes it right off.  I spray him again; longer this time.  He starts to scurry a little but still doesn't die.  Isn't this stuff supposed to kill on contact?  I spray him four more times and he is soon sitting in a white, thick, oozing puddle of Raid.  I thought I would die from the fumes at this point but he still managed to wave a little leg in defiance before he succumbed.

I ran to identify him, and decided he was a brown recluse.  If he had bitten me I could have lost my leg! (well, according to google images anyway).

I am now sitting on my sofa paralyzed in fear.  I don't dare put my feet down for fear of zombie mice and brown recluse spiders.  Oh, and there are still some residual Raid fumes wafting about.  We are lucky I am still alive.......

PS - never found any dead critters